Someone to inspire…

I’m one of those people who always needs a role-model in life. It could be anybody – a classmate, a best friend, an elder person in the family, my parents colleagues/friends, a senior from school or college… just about anyone.

In school, I remember looking upto certain teachers. First thing in the morning at the assembly, my eyes would scan the auditorium for a glimpse of my favourite teacher. My day wouldn’t be complete without seeing them. If they were absent, or I missed their class, I would get a little sad. I would get furiously defensive if someone criticized them. And I’d do anything for them – run errands, carry books… To some people, it might have looked like I was sucking up to the teachers, but for me, it was always just to get a smile from them. One smile or a kind word, and I would be floating on a cloud.

At one point of time, I was in awe of the seniors at school. They would look so grown-up wearing their lab coats during practicals, taking down running notes in class (I always thought that was a grown-up thing to do!), and the board would be full of scribblings that I thought I would never understand. The way the Head Girl/Head Boy would conduct the morning prayers, and make the announcements… It always seemed to me that I would never grow-up and do all those things. And to be the Head Girl of school – that became my biggest dream… one of the dreams that I accomplished…

When I first joined college, I was lost for a while. None of the teachers seemed to know what they were talking about, forget being wonderful enough to be an inspiration. And for a while, I was struggling to make friends too – life was miserable. And then, I learnt to draw on past experiences, and from within myself.
Sadly, so far, my college teachers are still not like my school teachers were. At the most, they could be a friend, but not someone I could look upto. Or maybe I was just younger then, and less cynical.

I’ve been interning for a while now, and I’ve found a lovely office, with people I’ve begun to consider as family. And finally, some wonderful people to look upto. I’m not the child I was once, when I would give my teachers chocolates on my birthday, and wait eagerly for their smiles and wishes. I’ve grown up too, and I’ve learnt to work alongside them. I observe the way they carry themselves, the things they do, the way they work, the way they treat other people, and I try to absorb as much of it as I can. In some ways I haven’t changed – I still love to run errands and do something for them. A sincere compliment, and a smile, or even a request for some help… and I’d be on cloud nine…

My role models in life keep changing, depending upon what I’m looking for as an inspiration. It may be childish, but I think it’s a nice way to grow up. And I sincerely hope I never reach a stage when I have no one to inspire me.

I’m old enough now to know the difference between right and wrong, and I’m able to accept it even when the people who I believed were always perfect are wrong sometimes. I know everyone makes mistakes and I try to not make the same myself.

Some of these people may have never known how much they meant to me, or how big a part of my life they have been, and in some ways, still are. But each of these experiences has taught me so much, and remain etched in my mind.

And this time, I hesitate to let go… Maybe a fear, of leaving a familiar place, a place where the work I do is valued, a place where I am valued, or perhaps its just that I would simply miss them… But whatever it is, I know I can’t stay in the same place forever, and I know that at some stage I have to move on.

And I move on with the hope that I’ll learn enough to be an inspiration to someone else at some point of my life….