Someone to inspire…

I’m one of those people who always needs a role-model in life. It could be anybody – a classmate, a best friend, an elder person in the family, my parents colleagues/friends, a senior from school or college… just about anyone.

In school, I remember looking upto certain teachers. First thing in the morning at the assembly, my eyes would scan the auditorium for a glimpse of my favourite teacher. My day wouldn’t be complete without seeing them. If they were absent, or I missed their class, I would get a little sad. I would get furiously defensive if someone criticized them. And I’d do anything for them – run errands, carry books… To some people, it might have looked like I was sucking up to the teachers, but for me, it was always just to get a smile from them. One smile or a kind word, and I would be floating on a cloud.

At one point of time, I was in awe of the seniors at school. They would look so grown-up wearing their lab coats during practicals, taking down running notes in class (I always thought that was a grown-up thing to do!), and the board would be full of scribblings that I thought I would never understand. The way the Head Girl/Head Boy would conduct the morning prayers, and make the announcements… It always seemed to me that I would never grow-up and do all those things. And to be the Head Girl of school – that became my biggest dream… one of the dreams that I accomplished…

When I first joined college, I was lost for a while. None of the teachers seemed to know what they were talking about, forget being wonderful enough to be an inspiration. And for a while, I was struggling to make friends too – life was miserable. And then, I learnt to draw on past experiences, and from within myself.
Sadly, so far, my college teachers are still not like my school teachers were. At the most, they could be a friend, but not someone I could look upto. Or maybe I was just younger then, and less cynical.

I’ve been interning for a while now, and I’ve found a lovely office, with people I’ve begun to consider as family. And finally, some wonderful people to look upto. I’m not the child I was once, when I would give my teachers chocolates on my birthday, and wait eagerly for their smiles and wishes. I’ve grown up too, and I’ve learnt to work alongside them. I observe the way they carry themselves, the things they do, the way they work, the way they treat other people, and I try to absorb as much of it as I can. In some ways I haven’t changed – I still love to run errands and do something for them. A sincere compliment, and a smile, or even a request for some help… and I’d be on cloud nine…

My role models in life keep changing, depending upon what I’m looking for as an inspiration. It may be childish, but I think it’s a nice way to grow up. And I sincerely hope I never reach a stage when I have no one to inspire me.

I’m old enough now to know the difference between right and wrong, and I’m able to accept it even when the people who I believed were always perfect are wrong sometimes. I know everyone makes mistakes and I try to not make the same myself.

Some of these people may have never known how much they meant to me, or how big a part of my life they have been, and in some ways, still are. But each of these experiences has taught me so much, and remain etched in my mind.

And this time, I hesitate to let go… Maybe a fear, of leaving a familiar place, a place where the work I do is valued, a place where I am valued, or perhaps its just that I would simply miss them… But whatever it is, I know I can’t stay in the same place forever, and I know that at some stage I have to move on.

And I move on with the hope that I’ll learn enough to be an inspiration to someone else at some point of my life….

If tomorrow never comes...

In the aftermath of the terror attack on Bombay, newspapers have started carrying several articles relating to the effect this has had on the people of our country. Call it anything - the ripple effect, the trickle-down effect, or just the simple fact of all of us waking up one day, and deciding that we don't want to see any more of this.

Children are traumatised, and now require medical help. The field of 'terrorism-insurance' is booming - everyone now wants to safeguard their lives and businesses against these horrors. We've turned into worry-warts. I remember a famous Bollywood director giving an interview talking about how he had decided to stop taking 'terror-based films' for a while, because he said he himself was traumatised seeing so much of atrocity in real life that he didn't want to subject film-goers to more of the same. [Mr.Ram Gopal Varma - I hope you're listening]

But one of the most interesting articles that I read, and something that had a profound impact on me was an article in the Times of India - The 'Times Life!' supplement. [I've been trying to find the online edition]
The article was about the fragility of human life and how we're now forced to look at life differently. Today, anything can happen at anytime. You never know when something as simple as going out shopping or to a restaurant can turn out to be the most horrific thing that could happen to you. But does that mean that we stop planning for tomorrow? Its precisely what terrorists seek to instill in us - a fear of crowds, a fear of the future, a fear of the lives of our loved ones....
I personally, am quite a paranoid human being. An incident like this is enough to set me worrying like crazy about people close to me. And post-26/11, something has changed where we stop worrying just about our loved-ones, but also about random strangers who we read about in newspapers, but whose tragedy seems so close somehow.

Post 9/11, I recieved a forward of an article in a New York-based newspaper which spoke to several people who had escaped the attack on the World Trade Centre because they were late to work that day. And the reasons they were late, were little-everyday things that sometimes annoy us so much. Traffic jams, a phone call just as they left home, a car-breakdown, or other people taking forever to get ready to leave. They spoke about how they never thought that such a small thing could have saved their lives that day.

Its time to talk a long look at our lives - our priorities and the reasons for living. The gift of life is such a wonderful thing that we shouldn't waste it.

Hmm, so I guess the point I've trying to make is that we should live life to the fullest. If you love someone, don't hesitate/wait to tell them. If you want to apologise for something, do it now. [I've always had an irrational fear of going to sleep at night angry with someone and almost always try to set things right before I sleep.] But at the same time, don't stop planning and hoping for tomorrow. We'd lose our identities if we succumbed to fear.

After all, the most predictable thing about life is its unpredictability...

THE MYRIAD MOODS OF A BUS TRAVELLER IN CHENNAI

Traveling by the Metropolitan Transport buses in Chennai can be quite an experience. As someone who would just watch the buses on the road and be shocked at the way people hang out of it, I’ve progressed to becoming a regular bus traveler, even enjoying it to a certain degree.

I’ve traveled by quite a few of the routes within the city, and the first thought that strikes me upon seeing these buses is the plight of the drivers. While its difficult negotiating a two-wheeler or even a small four-wheeler in the traffic, it must be an absolute nightmare to drive such a huge vehicle. Our bus drivers however, have figured out ingenious ways to beat the traffic. For a bus stand that’s situated on the left hand side of the road, you’ll find the bus driver going all the way to the right lane, and then, switching just in time to the left lane. And if its too crowded for him to switch lanes? Oh, then you’ll just have to wade through traffic to get in wherever he has decided to stop – which may even be in the middle of the road, or usually – about 10 feet either before or after the actual bus stop.

Another trick that these guys resort to is to actually follow the previous vehicle. And this doesn’t mean following a few feet behind, but following with a space of a precious few inches between the two bumpers. This can be a nightmarish experience especially when you’re learning to drive a car and find a bus behind you. There were many times when I imagined my car would be hit, but just then, Mr. Bus Driver would decide to hit the brakes and with a sound akin to someone wheezing, the bus would halt inches away from my car, while I wait for my heart to start beating again.

Being inside the bus, however is a totally different experience. And for those of you who are not familiar with taking the bus, its important to know that the joy/terror of this experience is dependent on many factors such as time of the day, route of the bus, and the like. I do actually like taking the bus, sometimes.

During the middle of the afternoon, or at any time around early evening, most buses plying would be a little empty. A seat to myself, with the radio or music of my choice playing through headphones and a window to look out of can actually be a lot of fun. And if you are the kind who loves looking out of the window, its actually a nice way to learn about the city and its topography. Its also a lovely chance to spend some time with yourself, for those who like to self-introspect… :)

A few hours later, and taking the same bus would become a nightmarish experience. Crowded beyond capacity, with hot, sweaty men and women crowding around you, with barely any space to move. If you have a big bag or something with you, you’re bound to invite the wrath of co-passengers for taking up so much room. There’s an odd sense of fear that grips me at these times – the fear of inviting the attention of one of the innumerable perverts, and of having to keep an eye on my purse all the time. Combined with hunger at the end of a long day – I’d be waiting to get home for dinner!

There are some distinct experiences that certain buses would give, though. Any of the buses traveling through Saidapet, would leave your heart bleeding at the sight of so many children, barely dressed in anything, and eating off the floor of the bus terminus. A 19G isn’t a pleasant ride either. It travels through Kovalam with women carrying bags and baskets of raw fish on their heads. Koyambedu buses sometimes have women carrying baskets of flowers… they would start tying the flowers when they get in and finish the entire bagful by the last stop, filling the bus with lovely scents!

Regardless of all the improvements that we still require, it has to be admitted that we have one of the best bus transport systems in the country... So, the next time you take a bus... Enjoy the ride, and the chance to appreciate namma Madras! :)